change

I don’t know what to say or if I ever will.

I said “See you later” to my family last night. At this time last year I knew I was going on the WorldRace and I was so excited for it to be here, but now it’s here and my heart is broken for leaving my family and friends behind. I’m such a family person. my family is my best friend and will always be thankful for them. As I said “see you later” to my siblings, Courtney, Sierra, my cousins, uncle, BB, my nephews, and my maw it hurt to leave. As this new chapter is starting for me although it’s been extremely difficult and emotional I really can’t wait to see where God is going to take me, the things I will see, the people I will meet, my new family, and how I get to tell people about Jesus.

From having 47 pounds on my back and a huge backpack on my front side this will be my home for 9 months. How did I get everything in there? I don’t know and had to take a lot of stuff out and leave it behind. Sleeping in a tent, using portapotty, and bucket showers I’m so nervous to step out of my comfort zone to use all the things I named, but I have to deny myself and pick up my cross daily. It’s not going to be easy all the time. If you would ask my mom it has been so hard packing these two weeks. From crying, getting mad, and frustrated because I want to carry things I’m comfortable with, but having to leave it. It’s denying yourself. He is showing me so much already. It’s not about me if I don’t have a normal shower or sleeping in a bed, but denying myself picking up my cross and remembering who I’m doing it for. It’s him. It’s Jesus.

People have called me “crazy”, “I could never”, and “Why are you going so long?” the best way I can answer to anyone who has asked me this or wonders is when you feel something so deep in your spirit and you can’t walk away from it and you feel such peace about it. It’s God and you need to listen. When I was a senior I wanted to go to college, but I never had peace about it. I wanted to work with FCA, but I didn’t have peace about it. When I heard about the world race I instantly had peace about it. I have no clue what my life will look like when I get back, but I pray I will get that sense of peace from God where he wants to take me. God is peace not confusion.

I want to tell my family to thank you for supporting me on this although when I first told them about it they honestly thought I was crazy wanting to go on a 9-month mission trip, but after TONS of prayers they felt such a peace they would feel weird for me to not let me go. Thank you guys for showing me so much love this past year even when I was frustrated, emotional, and even excited about going. You guys have seen the ugly and beautiful seasons through all of this.

To my friends I’m so thankful Jesus has placed y’all in my life and how much you guys have shown me so much love and encouragement this past year. You guys will always have such a special place in my heart and can’t wait to see you guys again when I get back.

To the people who have supported me and donated to me. First I couldn’t do it without Jesus, but also y’all. When I first found out I had to fundraise 17,500 dollars I was speechless I didn’t think I could do it and that’s the truth. I can’t, but through Jesus relying on his strength I can. Thank you to every single person who has prayed and even donated $1. I’m very thankful I got fully funded in June and that I will even be comfortable when I’m gone for people to continue to donate.

As people are asking me “How are you feeling?” I don’t know what to say to that emotional, excited, scared, frustrated, nervous, anxious. I don’t know because I’m feeling all these emotions and having no clue what the future will be like, but that’s what is so beautiful about it. Faith. I’m walking in full faith and trusting Jesus. I have no clue what my life is going to be like in 9 months or even a day from now, but I know one thing I am ready.

The time I have to say “see you later” to my parents and my sister I know I will have to mature in a way, but knowing Jesus is guiding me towards a new season of my life and that’s nothing, but beautiful what he’s doing to do not even in my life, but through K squad.

A year ago when I found out and now I’m going to training camp. Jesus, I am ready. Here I am. Send me. I’m all yours. I’m listening. Humble me. Teach me. Help me to love like no other, protect me, change me, and let the nations hear your name.

Thank you, Jesus.